TangledWebs UK

A group challenging donor-conception practices in the UK and internationally

Damian's story


At one time I agreed with anonymity, so while I started off searching for non-identifying information of my donor I have now changed my perspective: I wish to know who this person is. This view changed after the birth of my daughter. It was a moment not too dissimilar to the moments that parents often report experiencing when they hold their child for the first time and stare into their baby’s eyes. It was an acceptance and knowledge of a biological connection. That no matter what might happen in the world, we would always be father and daughter. No one or no thing would ever be able to change this.

This biological connection made me think about how I would feel if my daughter grew up not knowing who I was. This was a concept I could not bear to think about, but instead I applied it to how this notion did in fact mirror my own life. While events transpired that I do not know who my donor is, and I may never know, there will always be a biological connection that can never be broken.

For myself personally it will complete the picture of who I am. Half of myself is missing and it is difficult to put into words how this information would affect me, but it is something that I am also trying to do for my children so that they too can know who they are. It is something that has become increasingly pressing since their birth.

My children are missing their grandfather

How do I tell my children that I am donor conceived and have two fathers?

How do I tell them that the man I do not know who I am descended from will never be known to them? That they will never know their "grandfather" and other members of his and therefore their family?

My children will not be able to fill out family trees at school or know from which country they are descended from. They will not know what inheritable diseases affect their father's side. Even their name does not match the blood they have.

It is bad enough that this has happened to me but seeing that it already affects my own children breaks my heart even further.